Balthazar and I

Had a really good session with Balthazar this evening. Have been trying to fit in a few sessions a week of only 10 or 15 minutes to re-introduce both of us to work. He's been on holiday for about two years so I don't want to overload his brain or his body. Not that it's hard although trotting around on a short longe can put some strain on joints, muscle and sinew if overdone. Short sessions should start to build some topline and flexibility before I put a saddle on. Being a thoroughbred he's not overly developed along his spine.

Reread Alexandra Kurland a few days ago and wanted to approach the clicker sessions more slowly. I have always been impatient and have to force myself to slow down, let Balthazar finish chewing before asking for something else. The last time I worked with him it was obvious I was going too fast because he started to get a little anxious and he was taking the carrot but not chewing it. It was a wake up call for these sessions should be pleasant for both of us. And I was getting anxious too. So I went out tonight with the idea that I would only work on the back up. We didn't fare well at first. Balthazar was so uninspired that he looked as though he was falling asleep. The softly softly approach was too soft. What to do? Send him around in a circle. He is eager to trot and keep trotting going left and reluctant to start going right. We work more to the right, his stiff side. Pushed him off me, first with the end of the lead (not hitting) and then with a gesture for he tends to spiral in on top of me. Also, when he halts going either way, but especially to the right he often backs up without being asked. He also wants to change direction. Eventually he did a few circles either way that were good. He wasn't stressed either, relaxed and nickering for his treat which he chewed rather than holding in his mouth. When we returned to the back up with a hand gesture he was brilliant. Instead of one lazy step he smartly backed up for four steps. I was very pleased. I think he was too. I grazed him on the green grass over the septic tank for a few minutes as well.

Having a break from riding or even working with Balthazar has given me the opportunity to try and do things differently. I'm not in a rut. Neither is he. I want this to be a real breakthrough time for both of us. I'm reading some Parelli notes Peter has given me as well as looking at clickerhorse on the net. I am hopeful that I am more mature and that doing yoga for two years has made a difference not only in my body but in my mind. If I am in touch with my body and mind and breath, I can stay grounded and calm. And patient.

I know I am quick to anger. I don't get angry often but am amazed at how quickly and with how much force anger manifests when it comes. It's like a whole other person lurks inside me, a very scary person. The things I am ashamed about in my life have to do mostly with allowing anger full rein. I do think anger, righteous anger, can be constructive in motivating me but anger born of frustration or fear is not. And that flavour of anger is unfortunately the one I am familiar with. I'm still alive, mobile and breathing so still have the opportunity to grapple with that ugly aspect of myself. It was a small step tonight but a powerful one for it showed me that taking the time, remaining calm, making decisions based on objective observation make for a happy relationship between Balthazar and I.