Still Here

There's a tightening in my core, like I'm pulling in and concentrating my energy.  We're going to get out of here.  Have almost convinced Richard to drastically drop the price on the house, in total taking $76,000 off  so we can sell up and move.  In 7 months we've had exactly one inspection.  One.  Obviously we're not meeting the market.  Dropped it $26,000 and still no joy - but that's by the buy (a typofreudian slip - so want someone to BUY this place). 

Haven't written in ages - computer dramas of dire proportions (lost most everything).  Still not 100%.  Have been far more disciplined after getting sloppy, gluttonous and feeling the effects of less energy, less self esteem.  Only put on a couple of kilos but always felt bloated.  I have the willpower to quit smoking but have trouble controlling portion size.  No problem in eating good, nay excellent food, just eat too much of it.  Or did.  Not too many slips now and the result is little short of amazing.  No, not in suddenly being a size 6 but in how I feel.  Much more energy.  Think when one is bloated it's because food is lounging around in the gut taking energy for digestion that could go into living.  Not advocating anorexia just common sense.  My enthusiasm for everything sometimes goes awry and since I've learned to cook (still can't believe that I love to cook after a lifetime of believing it a most vile activity) I love what I create. And eat it too!

Still.  Some other factors.  Much more consistent with yoga.  More like 7 days a week rather than 5.  Went to Woodford to visit Gabi and attended a couple of yoga classes.  Learned and practiced the 5 Tibetan Rites (http://www.lifeevents.org/5-tibetans-energy-rejuvenation-exercises.htm) at one of the classes and have incorporated them into my practice, more to encourage Richard who is also doing them, then because I need to add on another 10 minutes into a practice that already takes an hour.  There are, however, two of the exercises, No. 2 and 4, which illustrate how weak I am in those areas. 

The other thing is running.  Thanks to yoga my nearly 60 year old joints can cope with the concussion without aching so much they keep me awake at night.  Have attempted to take up running  half a dozen (or more) times in the past 20 years and have always been defeated by the pain.  There is still pain (I'm so unfit!) but it's a good pain which will lessen with time.  Somewhat embarrassing however.  I've got the two whippets, Jamaica and Radar, with me while I *run*.  When I'm *running* up a steep hill, Jamaica keeps trotting but Radar gives a big sigh and walks.  It's a fast walk but even so! 

I ran for years and gave up because of  a) the smoking finally taking its toll and b) the pain in my hips.  So far so good and I'm so chuffed.  I love the way running makes me feel and I want that fitness again.  Now that I don't smoke (will be 3 years in May) I feel that I've earned the right to those running induced endorphins.

More consistent with the meditation attempts.  After how many years? I should be an 'experienced meditator'.  Ha.  Still a flibbertygibbett but had a tiny experience which had me googling scary meditation (nothing really, a flush of energy through my body which was hard to contain).

There's another reason for this get fit regime.  It's Richard.  Things are good health wise.  He's eating well, taking the Parkinson's medication, walking, and as mentioned, doing the Tibetan 5 Rites 4 or 5 times a week.  But his mind isn't as it should be.  Sometimes it's scary.  We had to buy a television as the old one crapped itself.  Took measurements for the cabinet so that the new tv would fit.  He saw that televisions are measured diagonally so that a 32" is a diagonal measurement across the screen.  He panicked, certain that our cabinet measurements, width and height, wouldn't work.  He forgot how to put batteries in the remote, well not forgot but put them in wrong, something he never would have done before.  I had to draw a diagram in the dirt yesterday to show him which yard gates would be open and which closed to let Balthazar out overnight but keep the other two in.  He's been yarding and unyarding the horses for 20 years.  He forgets names and places and it scares him.  He is more loving than ever and although I know he loves me, part of it I think is needing reassurance.  It must be frightening to know that things are not as they were.  I can't save him from it but I can be there for him.  At the same time, sometimes it is a little claustrophobic and the space allowed by yoga and walking is necessary for my peace of mind. 

But it's all good.  We are still blessed.  Healthy and loved and loving, the animals good save for the untimely loss of Tony to an intruding brown tree snake (found the hold, bandicoot made and sealed it).  So can't complain - except that we have no house buyers!