I Come First, don't I?

A few free hours while R is in town.  I find it odd that I don't sink into solitude with the same ease I used to.  It isn't that I have trouble being alone.  Au contrare!   I value time spent alone, mistress of my thought and action.  The difficulty is lack of practice. 

Just spent an hour reading a book (The Barbed Coil by J. V. Jones).  I used to read for hours at a time.  Now I'm either making busy or I'm on the computer.  At the end of the day, after I've made dinner and my time is my own, I try and read but the tv is on and concentration is off.  Find I have to go back and reread bits to familiarize myself with characters or situations I should already know.  Even now, the call of the computer is strong.  What a blessing and a curse the digital age is.  I'd miss the computer if I didn't have one at the same time as I know how much time I waste clicking away on it.

(Oh no, there's a hare come out in broad daylight - 2pm - to nibble on the flake of lucerne I've put out for the horses.  Jamaica is lazing in the sun, it's another cold and windy day although sunny.  I hope he doesn't see him.  Jamaica's not asleep.  I can see the glint of bright brown eyes.   If he looked 45 degrees NE he'd see the hare.)

In a much better stronger frame of mind than yesterday.  A good nights sleep helps.  Yesterday was the day following the second night of little sleep.  Because I function and get through the day I act as though insomnia doesn't have an affect but of course it does.  I don't think as clearly, I'm more emotional and I mask tiredness with activity. 

(Ah, the hare has had enough and hops away on long strong legs unscathed.  Jamaica dozes on).


Reading on the Rebelle page about the only productive tip a creative sort will ever need.  Do the most important thing first every day.  I'd modify that statement to read:  Find the time to do the most important thing every day. 

I've got up in the dark to take the dogs and myself for a 40 minute walk while the stars shine overhead just to be alone and exercise at the same time.  I've got up an hour earlier, again in the dark, to write 3 pages longhand  while following the Artists Way.  I've got up an hour earlier to do yoga in the dark in front of the fire before work.  Now I get up just before dawn to feed the cats and horses and birds.  Creative acts come later.

One thing I never had to contend with before was responsibility for anyone other than myself.  Yes, I looked after animals, usually a single cat, but with Self as my Motto and Creed, and a cat being a self-sufficient creature it wasn't much of a stretch.  Now, at this late stage of my life, I am having to learn responsibility of and for others.  While still retaining my I Come First credo.  My I Come First credo now has riders; subsections and provisos so it isn't as awful as it sounds. 

But I no longer do the most important thing first thing every day.  It's usually toward the end of the day when I balance the art board on my knees while sitting on the couch with a cat or two and R at the other end.