Post 37 of 92

Had a fleeting but profound sensation of the unreality of reality this week.  It's been a week, two weeks actually, of elderly cat dramas.  One having a hiccup after a routine dental and the other having profound and critical pancreatitis for which he was hospitalized for 4 days.  Matisse, the Siamese, has, I think and hope and pray, turned the corner.  Brought him home yesterday, profoundly depressed as he is not a cat who copes well with changes in routine. and being sick AND being hospitalized has taken its toll.  It's been a stressful and expensive two weeks ($2000+). 

Yet, despite or perhaps because of this, while feeling weepy and overly sensitive, worried to the point of feeling sick to my stomach, there was this other sensation, The Observer, which saw this for  what it was; ripples on the surface.  The depths are unaffected.  Save for taking note of the surface disturbances, nothing changes in the Is-ness of it all. 

Feeling that helped somewhat - even though I am caught up in the drama of apparent reality and am reluctant or unable to let it go. 

It's humbling to have your own advice dropped back on you.  At the gym one day recently one of the staff was crying in the ladies bathroom.  She was talking to the woman who oversees the creche and had obviously been crying for awhile as her face was very blotched and swollen.  As I walked past I said, whatever it is I'm sorry.  This woman, not hard and fit and smilingly conscious of her physique, on the contrary wears glasses, is slightly overweight and when she smiles her smile is genuine.  Have always liked her.  While the others seem decorative she exudes infrastructure.

I had my shower while listening to their murmured voices and the occasional hiccuping of a crying jag not yet finished.  Had no idea what was wrong.  It was none of my business but as I walked out I touched her shoulder and said, this too shall pass.

And so it does.  Joy, grief, excitement, ennui, love and loss.  All surface ripples over the serenity of the changeless depths.  Even sick cats.  They either get better or they pass away. 

But I'm glad he's on the mend.