Well, not much has changed.  He hasn't known me for a couple of days although if he has a 'good' day, I'm sure he'll remember.   Told him yesterday his son is coming to see him on Wednesday.  Usually that news would perk him up but his face remained impassive.  Do you know who Cameron is, I asked.  A little shake of the head.  So I told him of his sons and his grandkids and me.  And didn't cry.  Did that later.  

After my email to Cam about the change in Richard I got a reply detailing all these things that could be done or investigated,  even to antidepressant drugs.  Made me tired reading it.  After all this time, he still doesn't get it - and he's a critical care paramedic.  His dad is on the way out.  No amount of tweaking with drugs or supplements or extra iron or sodium will stave off the inevitable.  

And truly, why does he want to prolong his life?  From the moment he wakes up to the time he goes to bed, he has no freedom.  He can't stand or walk, brush his teeth, shave or wash his face, he can't bathe or roll over in bed, he can't blow his nose or wipe his bum.  Is that the life Cameron wants prolonged?  Richard is clean, dry and pain free.  He is safe.  I say let him go.  The sooner the better.  If you described to Richard at 60 the life he could look forward to at 73, I am certain he'd say, let Nature takes its course.

Still writing but finding it hard.  Not sleeping again.  Even had a short nap yesterday, first time in years.  Know this too shall pass and brighter days will come but despite internal pep talks about how fortunate I am to be who I am where I am and how I am,  things look pretty grim.