4:31pm. Tired. Difficult to work up the energy for anything although I know sitting for awhile, as I'm doing now, will recharge the batteries a bit.
Yesterday went to Pottsville. Took Mikaela as they have the dog beach. There is a tidal river which widens into a large lagoon with sand bars in the middle. The water is clear, the water is shallow and it is a haven for minnows and small fish. When we were returning from a walk along the beach we followed the river on a stone peppered sandy path which ran parallel and slightly above the river mouth giving us a pretty good look into the water.
A cormorant came and started swimming over the remains of what I think was a sabellarid reef (worm-built). We watched as it darted and turned and sprinted through the water. Have never had a view looking down on a swimming cormorant before. Then I noticed something else, as it circled and dove there was a brown smudge of a shadow around which it was turning. A bait ball! It was herding the fish into a bait ball and then arrowing in to snatch prey. I knew whales, sharks and dolphins did this but I didn't know cormorants did.
Some people were swimming/wading through the shallows toward the bird. When they got too close it abandoned the bait ball and swam parallel to the shore. The fish had been trying to find refuge in the reef remains. Those remains were the only spot in the channel that wasn't bare sand and the cormorant, even while keeping them in tight formation, was always trying to keep them away from the reef.
Amazing stuff. 4:54pm. (Took so long as I got sidetracked reading about sabellarid worms. Used to type up scientific papers when working at Harbor Branch for Dr. David Kirtley and another, female, Phd whose name escapes me).
Monday, December 11, 2017
Saturday, December 9, 2017
Post 23 of 92
11:33am. No, I haven't stopped, quite.
Successfully did yoga with Mikaela in the room. Thought she'd be all over me, licking my face in downward dog or some such thing but as we'd taken her to the Uki Farmers Market this morning, she was all in.
It's quite remarkable how the energy levels of greyhounds fluctuate. She can be as hyper and goofy as a puppy, rabbit running up and down the fence or spinning in tongue flapping circles on the rug while the next minute she's be stretched out on the floor asleep. Greyhounds are couch - or in her case - chair potatoes.
Mikaela is an endearing and irresistible advertisement for greyhound adoption. A fellow student at the life drawing class will adopt a greyhound next year after she returns from abroad and that is directly due to her meeting and falling in love with Mikaela. Everywhere she goes she's admired, patted even hugged. And she absorbs it all with gentle dignity.
And she smells good. Mikaela has a subtle perfume on her head that is quite delicious. Yes, her beds and leashes will eventually get that doggy odour if they aren't washed - but she herself never smells like a dog.
Maybe it's because she's part cat and that's why she's so easy for me to love. I love her in a way that I've never loved another dog. Have always been a cat person. I still am but now I am a dog person too or at least a greyhound person.
11:41am.
Successfully did yoga with Mikaela in the room. Thought she'd be all over me, licking my face in downward dog or some such thing but as we'd taken her to the Uki Farmers Market this morning, she was all in.
It's quite remarkable how the energy levels of greyhounds fluctuate. She can be as hyper and goofy as a puppy, rabbit running up and down the fence or spinning in tongue flapping circles on the rug while the next minute she's be stretched out on the floor asleep. Greyhounds are couch - or in her case - chair potatoes.
Mikaela is an endearing and irresistible advertisement for greyhound adoption. A fellow student at the life drawing class will adopt a greyhound next year after she returns from abroad and that is directly due to her meeting and falling in love with Mikaela. Everywhere she goes she's admired, patted even hugged. And she absorbs it all with gentle dignity.
And she smells good. Mikaela has a subtle perfume on her head that is quite delicious. Yes, her beds and leashes will eventually get that doggy odour if they aren't washed - but she herself never smells like a dog.
Maybe it's because she's part cat and that's why she's so easy for me to love. I love her in a way that I've never loved another dog. Have always been a cat person. I still am but now I am a dog person too or at least a greyhound person.
11:41am.
Monday, December 4, 2017
Post 22 of 92.
8:41pm. Have no idea what to write yet trying to write something. Have been slack about daily two minutes. So finished my shower, a cup of Bengal tea is steeping, chores are done - have even done some French....
Today, for the first time, am not feeling kind of sick after the 500 calorie regimen. Perhaps my body is accepting this and reacting accordingly. The previous two times felt kind of queasy and headachy. Tonight I feel normal. Perhaps being a bit more adventurous about what I can eat helps. I made a salad of fennel bulb, cabbage, carrot and fresh-picked-from-our-garden parsley and silverbeet with a bit of Seasonal salad dressing. And it was enough. I'm not slavering after carbohydrates. After deciding to live the 5:2 diet I decided I would give up the daily with salad two rice crackers slathered with avocado, tomato and Seasonal. Now I add the tomato and the avocado (which I adore after loathing it as a child - who knew?) directly to the salad so don't feel as though I'm missing out.
Such a big deal. Have probably spent 30% of my life thinking of food, diets, my body and how fat it is. What a waste. My goal is to take control of this, once and for all, so that eating 'normally' (portion size) becomes normal and requires little or no vigilance.
Everything's possible, right? 8:49pm
Today, for the first time, am not feeling kind of sick after the 500 calorie regimen. Perhaps my body is accepting this and reacting accordingly. The previous two times felt kind of queasy and headachy. Tonight I feel normal. Perhaps being a bit more adventurous about what I can eat helps. I made a salad of fennel bulb, cabbage, carrot and fresh-picked-from-our-garden parsley and silverbeet with a bit of Seasonal salad dressing. And it was enough. I'm not slavering after carbohydrates. After deciding to live the 5:2 diet I decided I would give up the daily with salad two rice crackers slathered with avocado, tomato and Seasonal. Now I add the tomato and the avocado (which I adore after loathing it as a child - who knew?) directly to the salad so don't feel as though I'm missing out.
Such a big deal. Have probably spent 30% of my life thinking of food, diets, my body and how fat it is. What a waste. My goal is to take control of this, once and for all, so that eating 'normally' (portion size) becomes normal and requires little or no vigilance.
Everything's possible, right? 8:49pm
Sunday, December 3, 2017
Post 21 of 92
9:11pm. Am not going to even speak to why I have not been writing.
Tonight, for the second night in a row, we are being inundated with termite drones looking for a queen. They get caught in any web (a great way to find webs in the house that have been overlooked), drown in any cup of anything, tickle their way around hairlines and exposed skin exposed to a reading light - so all lights remain off.
Yet it's a sad thing despite their fleeting annoyance, for save for a very few lucky few, they all die. Shed wings carpet the floor in gossamer, rust brown bodies are the food of spiders and ants. Their search for a mate and a new home is a death sentence.
R asked me what year it was today. What year do you think it is, I asked in return. Nineteen ninety...two...? Two thousand and seventeen I answered, my heart breaking.
How do people get through this?
And I was short tempered and impatient today. I apologized this afternoon for being so. His slide into dementia is not his fault. His loss of control is not his fault. His involuntary abdication of adulthood is not his fault.
I want to scream. IT;S NOT FAIR! But when has that made any difference? To the raped Rohingya woman sitting in mud in Bangladesh. To the homeless girl escaping an abusive stepfather. To the war razed children of Syria? To the greyhound being buried alive for not being fast enough. To the kitten tied to a lure for that greyhound to chase and tear apart. To the mother of the adult child who is mentally retarded? The list goes on. Who am I to complain? And to whom?
9:18pm
Tonight, for the second night in a row, we are being inundated with termite drones looking for a queen. They get caught in any web (a great way to find webs in the house that have been overlooked), drown in any cup of anything, tickle their way around hairlines and exposed skin exposed to a reading light - so all lights remain off.
Yet it's a sad thing despite their fleeting annoyance, for save for a very few lucky few, they all die. Shed wings carpet the floor in gossamer, rust brown bodies are the food of spiders and ants. Their search for a mate and a new home is a death sentence.
R asked me what year it was today. What year do you think it is, I asked in return. Nineteen ninety...two...? Two thousand and seventeen I answered, my heart breaking.
How do people get through this?
And I was short tempered and impatient today. I apologized this afternoon for being so. His slide into dementia is not his fault. His loss of control is not his fault. His involuntary abdication of adulthood is not his fault.
I want to scream. IT;S NOT FAIR! But when has that made any difference? To the raped Rohingya woman sitting in mud in Bangladesh. To the homeless girl escaping an abusive stepfather. To the war razed children of Syria? To the greyhound being buried alive for not being fast enough. To the kitten tied to a lure for that greyhound to chase and tear apart. To the mother of the adult child who is mentally retarded? The list goes on. Who am I to complain? And to whom?
9:18pm
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
Post 20 of 92
4:06pm. Realized the other day I have picked up a new habit. An annoying habit. I sigh. I sigh a lot. I sigh with a small yet audible noise. At the top of my sigh, I vocalize.
Perhaps I have taken the maxim 'Breathe' too much to heart. Never used to be aware of when I was holding my breath or breathing with short shallow inhalations. Yoga has helped with that. But I'm sure shallow breathing wasn't supposed to morph into sighing.
Just googled the word sigh and find the word was at its most popular around 1815-1820, took a big dip in the 1970s and has been on the ascendent until 2010. Sighing, according to dictionary.com as a
verb (used without object) is:
Perhaps I have taken the maxim 'Breathe' too much to heart. Never used to be aware of when I was holding my breath or breathing with short shallow inhalations. Yoga has helped with that. But I'm sure shallow breathing wasn't supposed to morph into sighing.
Just googled the word sigh and find the word was at its most popular around 1815-1820, took a big dip in the 1970s and has been on the ascendent until 2010. Sighing, according to dictionary.com as a
1 .to let out one's breath audibly, as from sorrow, weariness, or relief.
2 .to yearn or long; pine.
3. to make a sound suggesting a sigh: sighing wind.
Suspect I sigh from sorrow. Sorrow is perhaps too strong a word yet things have changed pretty dramatically in the past year, much of it excellent, much of it sad. And 'things' are accelerating, noticeably accelerating. So I sigh.
Which is better than crying so perhaps it's not such a bad thing after all. If I'm a little sad, a little sigh acknowledges that. Maybe that's a good thing.
Or not. I don't know. Sigh.
4:25pm
Sunday, November 26, 2017
Post 19 of 92
3:13pm. Watched a program last night about abdominal fat and its link with the development of type two diabetes. Dr. Michael Mosley was on Insight talking about food, fat, diets and diabetes.
I'm not obese but I do have abdominal fat, more so than ever before. My body has changed quite a bit since menopause although my weight is roughly the same. I have muscles from yoga, the gym and lots of walking but not much of a waist. In fact the bulge of my stomach is starting to rival the bulge of my bust.
Not a good look.
Nor a good feel. For a long time now I have been less than pleased with myself for my lack of willpower. Why have I got this gut when I eat well and exercise a lot. Easy answer. Too much of a good thing, or in this case, many good things. Since learning to cook, most of my meals, although vegan, or nearly vegan (honey might sweeten) are tasty, even delicious. (I did have a spectacular disaster a few nights ago however). So I have large helpings of creamy cashew kale or vegan caesar salad or spicy coconut peas and rice or whatever else is going. Beyond that, I snack afterwards; roasted almonds with grapes, a rice cracker with honey, carrots dipped in soy wasabi and mayonnaise sauce. Even writing this I am ashamed all over again. What a Guts who deservedly now has a gut. And almost always feels bloated.
My sister is diabetic. Abdominal fat puts me at risk too. What to do?
Two days a week of 500 calories or less. Easy.
Wasn't hungry for breakfast, still feeling bloated from the night before. Lunch a bowl of carrots with soy sauce and wasabi dip. We drove to Brunswick Heads (with Mikaela, bless her well behaved little self) and had Earl Grey tea at a cafe for smoko. Tea will be more carrots or celery or both, perhaps with some chopped cabbage. Plus two coffees with honey. Still comes to under 500 calories and I'm not hungry.
More than that a weight has lifted because of finally taking control of myself. I quit smoking over 6 years ago. I do have willpower when I chose to use it. I can do this.
Hell, I might be able to see my toes again! 3:28pm
I'm not obese but I do have abdominal fat, more so than ever before. My body has changed quite a bit since menopause although my weight is roughly the same. I have muscles from yoga, the gym and lots of walking but not much of a waist. In fact the bulge of my stomach is starting to rival the bulge of my bust.
Not a good look.
Nor a good feel. For a long time now I have been less than pleased with myself for my lack of willpower. Why have I got this gut when I eat well and exercise a lot. Easy answer. Too much of a good thing, or in this case, many good things. Since learning to cook, most of my meals, although vegan, or nearly vegan (honey might sweeten) are tasty, even delicious. (I did have a spectacular disaster a few nights ago however). So I have large helpings of creamy cashew kale or vegan caesar salad or spicy coconut peas and rice or whatever else is going. Beyond that, I snack afterwards; roasted almonds with grapes, a rice cracker with honey, carrots dipped in soy wasabi and mayonnaise sauce. Even writing this I am ashamed all over again. What a Guts who deservedly now has a gut. And almost always feels bloated.
My sister is diabetic. Abdominal fat puts me at risk too. What to do?
Two days a week of 500 calories or less. Easy.
Wasn't hungry for breakfast, still feeling bloated from the night before. Lunch a bowl of carrots with soy sauce and wasabi dip. We drove to Brunswick Heads (with Mikaela, bless her well behaved little self) and had Earl Grey tea at a cafe for smoko. Tea will be more carrots or celery or both, perhaps with some chopped cabbage. Plus two coffees with honey. Still comes to under 500 calories and I'm not hungry.
More than that a weight has lifted because of finally taking control of myself. I quit smoking over 6 years ago. I do have willpower when I chose to use it. I can do this.
Hell, I might be able to see my toes again! 3:28pm
Saturday, November 25, 2017
Post 18 9f 92
8:57pm....plus two glasses of wine.
Have noticed a new habit of mine. No idea how long it has been in the making but it is surely full blown and mature now. I sigh. I sigh a lot. I sigh with sound. A sort of female, faint keening sound. Had no idea. Amazing how one's state of mind is mirrored in physicality. Had no desire to sigh, did not look to sigh, then found to my chagrin that I do sigh... often and with sound effects.
So this is rather sad. Sighing is another form of breath, a specialized sort of breath. Before I exhale with sound effects, I have to inhale and inhale enough to make the sigh with sound. So what does this say? Whatever sighs say. Is it the resignation sigh? the sad sigh? the relief sigh? I think I might know.
What I do know for sure, however, is that sighing frequently as I was, is damn annoying. And I don't like not being involved and cognizant of my own life - so this sighing business is sort of a wake up call.
So I'll just take a deep breath, which feels wonderful, and sigh off. 9:03pm
Have noticed a new habit of mine. No idea how long it has been in the making but it is surely full blown and mature now. I sigh. I sigh a lot. I sigh with sound. A sort of female, faint keening sound. Had no idea. Amazing how one's state of mind is mirrored in physicality. Had no desire to sigh, did not look to sigh, then found to my chagrin that I do sigh... often and with sound effects.
So this is rather sad. Sighing is another form of breath, a specialized sort of breath. Before I exhale with sound effects, I have to inhale and inhale enough to make the sigh with sound. So what does this say? Whatever sighs say. Is it the resignation sigh? the sad sigh? the relief sigh? I think I might know.
What I do know for sure, however, is that sighing frequently as I was, is damn annoying. And I don't like not being involved and cognizant of my own life - so this sighing business is sort of a wake up call.
So I'll just take a deep breath, which feels wonderful, and sigh off. 9:03pm
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