The Dentist and a Lesson in Spirit

Went back to the dentist because of pain.  What a pain!  Knew being scared before the visit was in fact enduring it twice but the mind has a mind of its own (so back to meditating with a vengeance to try and tame it!).  Then, Oh Joy Oh Happiness, the dentist, after reading the write-up of previous visit, thought it might be better to try non-invasive techniques first.  Swelling has gone, as if in answer to reprieve and I can live with the nerve pinging with hot or cold (have had that in other teeth for a long time but this one is somewhat acute). 

Part of me stood back and was amazed at the transformation experienced physically, emotionally and mentally with that news.  Like someone flicked a switch.   Where before I was small and sad and frightened, I was large and light and bright with joy.

When I am frightened the world becomes very small because it is all centered on me and my fear.  A pinprick of fear, a pinprick of awareness.  What an illustration.  What a testament to trying to live big, like an ever expanding balloon of gaiety.       

Many years ago I fainted in a theatre during the movie, The Other Side of Midnight, some trashy soap opera whose memorable scene, the attempted (successful?  I don't know I was unconscious)  abortion in a bathtub with a wire hanger.  When I came to I had the profound sensation of being squeezed back into my body.  The I that had temporarily vacated the physical was limitless and bore as much relation to my person as a seed is to a sequoia.

Despite returning to this episode repeatedly I forget the significance of it.  We are more than our bodies, more than our minds, more than our sensations, more than our pedestrian awareness.  I don't know how much more.  Not even sure I am equipped to grasp it, nevertheless it should never be forgotten.

Sometimes it takes a trip to the dentist to be reminded.                  

The Meaning of Life...yeah right

Dice living today and blogging (number two in my list of six) came up.  Previous to that I've yoga'ed, cleaned the bathroom and laundry sinks, and worked on the current drawing.   What hasn't come up yet is vaccumming, cleaning the kitchen window and painting the second coat on the ceiling in this office. 

Have always found dice living fascinating.  It must tie in with Tarot, I Ching and various other things which make a connection between the energy sheet and the energy strings (my poor and for the moment unexplained version of the Universe) for what is chosen (or read in the case of Tarot and I Ching) is too appropriate to be explained by Chance.  Jung had it in synchronicity but I suspect it goes far beyond that.  If everything is connected and time, as the linear illusion we perceive, does not exist then everything is happening all the time and all at once.  Why not pick and choose appropriate (for this particular conscious collection of energy ganglia) bits that help to fill or flesh out the purpose of the current Consciousness?

So much I don't understand (a bit of an understatement) but I have always been confused by the seemingly discrete forms of consciousness we take when we become human.  I suspect I have lived and am living elsewhere so why am I only perceiving this particular consciousness?  For a reason.  When we die do we remember other existences, do we experience them?  Does our Oversoul live them all at once?

Just looked up oversoul with Wikipedia.  Emerson wrote about the oversoul and said  (1) the human soul is immortal, and immensely vast and beautiful; (2) our conscious ego is slight and limited in comparison to the soul, despite the fact that we habitually mistake our ego for our true self; (3) at some level, the souls of all people are connected, though the precise manner and degree of this connection is not spelled out; and (4) the essay does not seem to explicitly contradict the traditional Western idea that the soul is created by and has an existence (?) that is similar to God, or rather God exists within us.

1.  The human soul is immortal, vast and beautiful.  When I live and think with less than normal dross, I feel lighter, wider and yes more beautiful.  Even though....
2.  Our conscious ego is slight and limited in comparison despite the fact we mistake it for our true self.  Yes, but what is contained within the larger is still 'of' the essence'.  Still, I had the minuteness of the ego demonstrated years ago.  I'd gone to a movie with my then husband and fainted.  No one knew I'd fainted so when I came to I had no one fussing over me which meant no distraction from where I'd been to where I then found myself.  I woke up with a terrible sense of loss.  Where I'd been had been vast and beautiful and true.  To returnn to my'self' I had had to shoehorn this great being into a tiny ego.  I was grief stricken.  What a disappointment it was to be me when I had had the faint taste of Freedom.  I am coward where pain is concerned but since that moment I have not been afraid of death.
3.  All souls are connected.  All energy is connected.  Quantum mechanics, etc.  What one is we all are.  The difference is in the choices we make.  Energy can be directed.  Energy is just as much thought as 3 dimensional objects.  What we think we make.  It's a heavy responsibility which few of us take seriously, me included.
4.  The soul is created and has an existence, is similar to God who exists within us.  The riddle of this is not whether there is a god and how s/he exists but what makes up the barriers between small ego-constricted us and God?  Was it Aldous Huxley who postulated that the mind functioned as a filter so that we would not be overwhelmed by the reality of What Is?

So, what does it ALL MEAN?  Greater minds than I have not been able to decisively answer this.  What hope have I?  Sometimes I am sure it is only so that we may look and love the beauty we have created.  At other times I suspect it is a game, a trick we play on ourselves, a quest and puzzle that we must solve to arrive laughing and breathless back at the Source saying 'didn't think I was going to get it this time!'