The Meaning of Life...yeah right

Dice living today and blogging (number two in my list of six) came up.  Previous to that I've yoga'ed, cleaned the bathroom and laundry sinks, and worked on the current drawing.   What hasn't come up yet is vaccumming, cleaning the kitchen window and painting the second coat on the ceiling in this office. 

Have always found dice living fascinating.  It must tie in with Tarot, I Ching and various other things which make a connection between the energy sheet and the energy strings (my poor and for the moment unexplained version of the Universe) for what is chosen (or read in the case of Tarot and I Ching) is too appropriate to be explained by Chance.  Jung had it in synchronicity but I suspect it goes far beyond that.  If everything is connected and time, as the linear illusion we perceive, does not exist then everything is happening all the time and all at once.  Why not pick and choose appropriate (for this particular conscious collection of energy ganglia) bits that help to fill or flesh out the purpose of the current Consciousness?

So much I don't understand (a bit of an understatement) but I have always been confused by the seemingly discrete forms of consciousness we take when we become human.  I suspect I have lived and am living elsewhere so why am I only perceiving this particular consciousness?  For a reason.  When we die do we remember other existences, do we experience them?  Does our Oversoul live them all at once?

Just looked up oversoul with Wikipedia.  Emerson wrote about the oversoul and said  (1) the human soul is immortal, and immensely vast and beautiful; (2) our conscious ego is slight and limited in comparison to the soul, despite the fact that we habitually mistake our ego for our true self; (3) at some level, the souls of all people are connected, though the precise manner and degree of this connection is not spelled out; and (4) the essay does not seem to explicitly contradict the traditional Western idea that the soul is created by and has an existence (?) that is similar to God, or rather God exists within us.

1.  The human soul is immortal, vast and beautiful.  When I live and think with less than normal dross, I feel lighter, wider and yes more beautiful.  Even though....
2.  Our conscious ego is slight and limited in comparison despite the fact we mistake it for our true self.  Yes, but what is contained within the larger is still 'of' the essence'.  Still, I had the minuteness of the ego demonstrated years ago.  I'd gone to a movie with my then husband and fainted.  No one knew I'd fainted so when I came to I had no one fussing over me which meant no distraction from where I'd been to where I then found myself.  I woke up with a terrible sense of loss.  Where I'd been had been vast and beautiful and true.  To returnn to my'self' I had had to shoehorn this great being into a tiny ego.  I was grief stricken.  What a disappointment it was to be me when I had had the faint taste of Freedom.  I am coward where pain is concerned but since that moment I have not been afraid of death.
3.  All souls are connected.  All energy is connected.  Quantum mechanics, etc.  What one is we all are.  The difference is in the choices we make.  Energy can be directed.  Energy is just as much thought as 3 dimensional objects.  What we think we make.  It's a heavy responsibility which few of us take seriously, me included.
4.  The soul is created and has an existence, is similar to God who exists within us.  The riddle of this is not whether there is a god and how s/he exists but what makes up the barriers between small ego-constricted us and God?  Was it Aldous Huxley who postulated that the mind functioned as a filter so that we would not be overwhelmed by the reality of What Is?

So, what does it ALL MEAN?  Greater minds than I have not been able to decisively answer this.  What hope have I?  Sometimes I am sure it is only so that we may look and love the beauty we have created.  At other times I suspect it is a game, a trick we play on ourselves, a quest and puzzle that we must solve to arrive laughing and breathless back at the Source saying 'didn't think I was going to get it this time!'

Jack and The Procrastinator and the ego.

It was a misunderstanding. P is quite happy to have Jack stay with us. G was under the misapprehension that he was causing us too much trouble. This misunderstanding probably arose because, as Jack is their bird, we always kept them up to date with what was happening with him - and of course it hasn't all been smooth sailing. He's on his second lot of antibiotics, he's been cranky and aggressive, and of course he's been attacked by Algernon. Hopefully, after P wrote me an email asking me to write G and say in clear terms that we love Jack and want him to stay, there won't be any more talk of Jack going. I do feel a little bad as Jack is bonded to G and that is hard but I don't think it will solve anything by sending him back - unless G was prepared to have him be her bird and spend alot of time with him - and she already has another love interest in Jack the rainbow. Ah, these bird relationships can be complicated.

Jack is obviously feeling better today. He's done a couple of Big Bird displays and he's fossicked around the aviary ground attacking cardboard and digging. The digging in dirt has its complications as if he has a wound, which he has, that's what must make it infected. But we can't stop him digging nor would we want to. Dirt floors are problematic in that they are hard to keep clean. We can only rake them out but for digging birds like cockatoos they are necessary.

I've been coasting which isn't good. Making excuses of busy-ness with housework and other non-essentials. Well, of course they are essential but who cares if the house is a bit untidy (me!). I haven't written for yonks which is part of the reason I"m trying to be a bit more regular in blogging as like any *skill* it becomes rusty with disuse. The art work lurches along in fits and starts. I sat on the couch last night and kept thinking I should do something with it and my arm just wouldn't reach out for it. It was too easy watching the movie (Ocean's 11) and not draw. As for yoga, didn't do any yesterday so must do some today but mostly what I've done today is sit on this damn computer and look at stuff and play spider solitaire (again! damn my addiction to that game). So, what am I going to do today besides play with the birds? Yoga, walk the dogs and draw. Thought I'd forgotten this idea I had but found the thumbnail on the side table. Not terribly original but original for me so there's something to look forward to after I've fumbled my way through this current drawing.

Prokofiev (sp) on the stereo. Every time I hear this piece I think of Sting's 'the Russians love their children too' from Dream of the Blue Turtles. Can't remember Sting's title.

Have ordered a CD of gamelan music from Sanity music. Have wanted some for a long time. It's music that truly sings. As I don't know who is who or what is what I more or less just picked a CD. Can't wait for it to arrive. I almost always do yoga to a 30 minute CD track of birdsong, frog croaks, harp and muted human voice. It's a lovely non-intrusive track and makes me feel I'm out in nature. I've only done yoga outside once. Climbed atop the concrete water tank and did it there. Wasn't too bad but the flies were a bit annoying. Would be nice to do it on a beach somewhere but I'd probably be too self-conscious to do it properly. At least in the privacy of one's home you concentrate on the movement and breathing and not how you might look to some passerby.

One thing yoga has shown me is how egocentric I am. Everything I do is tinted with ego. What will people think, do I look good, do I look bad, aren't I good at this, aren't I awful at this. It's like carrying around a great weight 24/7. The older I get the more the non-attachment of eastern religions makes sense. I used to rail against that as I thought without attachment nothing would get done. I mean you have to be attached to an idea to see it through to its fruition. You have to care about doing well to attempt anything - but are you caring about how others perceive your attempt or caring because anything attempted is worth doing well regardless? I don't know but I do see that, and I suppose awareness is the first step to change, being ego-weighted all the time is becoming quite tedious.