The Blog, the Journal and the Painting

Haven't touched the book yet (warm up here) but will get to it later. Last week I wrote heaps. With one and a half glasses of wine, enough to censor the internal censor but not kill her, the words and ideas flowed. It was great. And as much as I love R, it is SO much easier to write when he's not home. He has gone to T'ba today and won't be home until this afternoon so I've a few hours in which to get stuck in.
I was thinking how different my writing is here than in my handwritten journal. As much as I would like to say I write as freely, I don't. Although no one has read my blog, it is possible they might. Writing for an audience is one thing but trying to write as if you aren't is another. Writing fiction I write for myself. I am trying to write the kind of book I would enjoy reading. It isn't possible, at least for me, to write as if a potential publisher was looking over my shoulder. I guess that means I'm not writing for publication -- but of course I am. Just not now. Like painting for a potential buyer. I paint for me. If someone likes what I paint and wants to buy it, then that's a bonus.
I had a show with 3 other women many years ago on Worth Avenue in Palm Beach, Florida. I don't know if it's the same now but back then it was Florida's version of Rodeo Drive. Posh. The opening was very swish; chandeliers, black baby grand, wine and cheese and classical music. Lots of people. I sold nothing. My teacher at the time said if I painted using a different colour scheme I would probably sell as it would fit in with client's decor. He was a portrait painter for the hoi-polloi. Very successful. Lovely house in a ritzy district. His lover would pose for us while Queen blasted out of speakers on the garden studio walls.
I remember having a conversation with him about the satisfaction his work brought him. It didn't. He was a very good artist but he'd decided on a comfortable living rather than exploring his artistry. Perhaps he had a room where he painted for himself, paintings which never saw the light of day. I don't know. I do know he was sad. Successful but sad. I never did re-paint those paintings.
I don't regret not chasing the sale. I would be nice to sell some but I'm just not motivated enough to get myself out there. HOWEVER. Saw a program on the ABC how a group of artists in Byron Bay got together and had a speed dating event, only it was a speed artist-meet-gallery event. Four minutes to present their paintings and then move on to the next. What a brilliant idea. I could go for that. Get someone to photograph my paintings, make prints to put in a binder and present them that way. Four minutes is not enough time to get nervous. Well, not too nervous anyway.
Part of the problem is framing. I've so many paintings stuck in one of those huge ledger things. I just can't afford to get paintings framed and again, am not motivated enough to teach myself (I really am quite lazy. I like doing the things I like to do as there are so many things I have to do, adding another project just overwhelms me). R would be willing to frame my work but he has so much on his plate it would not be fair to slop on another helping.