To cuss or not to cuss

July 31, 2009. Tachimedes is perched atop the CPU. The mickey birds are shrilling alarm calls. No way will Tach relax while so much danger lurks outside. This office has a large bank of windows facing onto a spreading poinciana tree (one of the reasons I wanted to buy this house). Jamaica, the black whippet, is soaking up the warm winter sun. Ah, I just got a glimpse of the threat; a snowy ibis. Anything large which glides rather than flaps is possibly a predator at least in the minds of small cockatiels and mickeys.
Having trouble settling to anything today. Been to the gym, done yoga, should write but as I haven't written in almost a week I'm having trouble. Even here. This warm-up is a stuttering mess. Keep referencing yoga sites (wish there was a decent yoga class in this tiny town!) to avoid facing up to stiff stilted writing effort. Insomnia too lately which doesn't help. Beating myself up while at the same time letting myself off the hook. Master of self-sabotage. It's already 3:30 in the afternoon and I've written nothing. Ack! I really could scream I get so frustrated with myself at the same time as I know frustration just shuts things down. It's not a positive anything! R in and out banging doors. Should've tried to meditate while he was gone but didn't do that either.
Some positive things, have been off the spider solitaire for a couple of weeks now. I feel cleansed, like an addict kicking heroin. No more cards floating behind my eyes when I close them at night. When I do write I stick to the task and write. No more switching windows between the book and the spread.
I suspect yoga practice is having an insidious unexpected effect. Just little things, like trying to clean up my act a little and not swear so much. Working at a veterinary clinic is no excuse but it can get somewhat stressful. I blow stress by swearing, mostly under my breath but out loud too (not in front of clients however which shows I have the willpower and focus to control it if I want). I haven't thought about swearing for years. It was just a fact. Now, however, I think it's not such a good thing. I could still swear but swear creatively. Or bring back into fashion some of the old swear words from generations ago. Like jeepers or criminently or even blast it! Swearing is really lazy thinking, a refusal to find an appropriate adjective to describe something troublesome. Better yet would be to be in that state of mind where I am no longer troubled. But until I reach that sweet spot I will try and curb the cussing or at least cuss creatively.