Coping with Anger in Others

Last day, half day, of work before four days off. Finished on a frantic note. Quiet morning and then a caesar on a shar pei with whelping difficulties. All pups deformed. And dead. Bitch has a skin condition swelling her muzzle and giving her that distinctive 'itchy dog' smell. Everyone on lunch but the vet and I. Me juggling phones, trying to get everything ready for the surgery, trying to track down the boss for an appointment he'd made but his phone was off the hook, trying to track down the other vet nurses. The usual stuff. Moments of complete madness followed by relative sanity. And then I'm driving home looking forward to the serenity of this quiet country property. The contrast is great.
Had a woman come in and get a bit aggressive. She's not a client. Her daughter's a client. After I'd finished with her and went out back, heart pounding with sweat drying on my skin I heard what an awful time another nurse had had with her, how abusive she was to the boss' son and how way off the charts her reasoning is. Soon after I started working at this surgery I was screamed at by a woman on the phone. Screaming and shouting and lots of abuse before she hung up. I was completely demoralized, wrung out, shaking. As I got to know her I realised she has a mental condition. She can't help being who she is, even when she's abusive. I dealt with her again a few weeks ago. She didn't shout or scream and I, armed with more understanding, wasn't personally upset that she was irrational and aggressive. By taking myself and my ego out of the equation I maintained my equilibrium.
With this other woman today it was a little harder but I maintained my composure. Experience helps I guess. She was very tall and leaned over me, although we were divided by the reception desk. I got the feeling she was used to using her superior height to her advantage. I'm only 5'4". I also got the feeling she was used to getting her own way when she shows her anger. I had to hold my ground. Took the line, it's not my decision, I'm only the messenger. It was like a tai chi move in a way for she no longer had anything to push against which helped diffuse things. She didn't shout or swear at me, and even though she said 'this isn't the end of it and you'll be hearing from me' she was civil.
It's an interesting phenomenon taking away that counter force. If force is met with force, the ante and the aggression level escalates. If there is force and it is met with, not acquiescence but an accepting attitude, it seems to absorb the hostility. If I say I understand what you're saying, why you're upset, I hear you and don't get defensive or worse, hostile in return, there somehow remains some common ground on which to communicate. Certainly in a vet practice there are some complaints, a few of them legitimate or at least understandable. Unfortunately there are also the 'nutters' or just plain angry people, like this woman, who are in it for the adrenaline rush of fighting. I can't hide out the back. Someone has to deal with them and being the eldest one there it often falls to me. I think, however, that the older I become the more empathetic I become. It's not all about me and my hurt pride. These people must be so miserable so much of the time. Like Don Quixotie tilting at windmills. They are hung up on windmills, hung there by their own inability to empathise or to communicate with anything other than anger.