The computer's been down for a few days (overheated with an extra hard drive. Now the drive's been removed and it's running better than ever, especially as I've removed the side of the CPU). Wouldn't have minded so much as everything can wait but as I've started the parrot behaviour mini lessons I haven't wanted to miss anything. Finished one lesson but was doing an 'extra credit' and couldn't send that. Anyway, all good now.
With much anticipation went to yoga with a couple of friends. It was a new 10 week Hatha yoga course. Unfortunately it was a very beginner course and I feel confident that I can handle a bit more than what was on offer. Overheard the instructor say that at the end we'd be doing real postures. Ack! The other thing that didn't sit well with me was the meditation. I've just got a thing, unreasonable as it is, about starting a class with a meditation and then having another at the end. I'd rather have one at the end, when the body has been warmed up, stretched and then cooled down. The postures themselves, with the focus on breathing, are a kind of meditation. They still the mind and bring me into the present. So the search continues.
Dimitri is starting to trust me a wee bit more. If I didn't follow our interaction so intensely I probably wouldn't notice it but it is definitely happening. He's more willing to wait and see what I'm up to before he hurries away. Sometimes he doesn't move when I have to pass him to get to the cages, he just watches. He's targeting well when he's in the mood. More often now he wants to come directly to the seed dish for treats and as it's sitting very close to me on the floor I let him. Last night and this morning he was closer than he'd ever been. I decided to slowly move my hands about, nonchalantly dropping one hand to my knee or lifting it to wipe the sweat from my face (literally - very warm and humid here). Sometimes he'd walk away a step and then resume eating. Other times he didn't budge. Very happy with that. He's also more responsive to my voice. If I tell him it's all right, he does listen. I've also been c/ting him for looking me in the eye. I think part of the lack of connection was the lack of eye contact. Not the staring predator sort of eye contact but a quick look in the eye so that he sees me as ME and not some huge behemoth waiting to pounce on him.
That's the thing with cockatoos, no matter if it's a cockatiel or a sulphur crested. There is so much somebody in there when you look into their eyes. A thinking feeling being. It's humbling. They're like cats. Cats look you right in the eye, mano a mano. You can't fool a cat and you can't fool a cockatoo. You can fool dogs however. Dogs are great, but they are seduced by kind words and the hope of a pat. Cats are cynics. Hell, they've been burned at the stake. Why wouldn't they suss out our intentions before committing themselves?
Was going okay on the book until the computer cacked it, hence writing and warming up in here. Just finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and The Time Travellers Wife. Bless those dear friends who go out and purchase the best sellers. I just wait for them to show up in some op shop. Ditto movies. I know if I wait long enough they'll be on television.
I've been kind to myself however. For years I've hung on to Isobelle Carmody's Darkfall hoping I'd find the sequel. I did. On Fishpond.com.au. Ordered it and two other books by her. They arrived this week. It's like having Christmas all over again. Then I crack open the second book and find there's actually a sequel to the sequel! Ah well, some pleasures are better after prolonged yearning.
Just a quick note about the weather. It's awful. Worst rainfall for January ever. The grass is cooked. Brown and yellow with lashings of faded khaki. I've always welcomed the heat because it brings the rain but this is ridiculous. If we don't get good rain soon we will be in trouble as we'll have nothing left in the paddocks for the horses. I can't even begin to wonder how the birds and critters will fare. This is their time to get fat for the winter. The juvenile galahs have disappeared, including Amos. Is this normal or does it mean something more sinister? We're hand feeding Silda (rainbow) who was released last week. She's still making smoochy faces through the bars to Pablo and now we find that Nidji, who was supposed to be flightless, can fly. We'll hang on to Nidji for awhile, make sure he regards this as home and then release him too which means Pablo will again be on his own. I don't wish for some rainbow to have an injury but we'll have to be on the lookout for another companion. He might be getting a complex by now. This is the third bird he's lived with.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Jackpot Dimitri and the Faf-about
Banner day today. Dimitri, after deciding to have a pellet breakfast, was still interested enough to come down from the tree perch and make straight for the ball. Jackpotted him for that. Oh happy day! He did it a few more times before wandering off to climb the T-stand. But that was enough, after he'd eaten too. What a smart bird!
Have started the PBAS mini lessons finally. Didn't want to start until after the holidays, then my monitor died, but we're up and rolling. Even the first lesson I found hard. The use of language is such a habit -to define behaviours with vague descriptions instead of what is actually happening. Made me really think about what I've observed with Dimitri and then to put those observations into a language that wasn't one of constructs (see I've learned a new word already!). Then the final question, with some observed behaviours and what our construct might be - had two different answers with opposite meanings. Thought it could either be happy or aggressive. Am sure I will be set straight.
Very hot today, sweat pouring down my face as I write. Haven't done any yoga for 2 days and feel it. Was ill day before yesterday (menopausal cluster headaches-damn things) and still a bit seedy yesterday. No excuse today however. Must get into good habits. When I'm working I'm up at 5 and into a yoga session. When I'm not, as I haven't this entire week, I sleep in and when I do get up at 6, the animals are clamouring for breakfast. Then I have breakfast with R and the day is well and truly started. Have to lift my game and get some kind of program going. Have been good and answered unanswered emails (still working on a snail mail to my aunt) and tidied up some loose ends. Haven't touched The Book.
Quite annoyed with myself too for in that halfway state between waking and sleeping I thought of some device that would move the book forward. I was excited enough with the idea that I didn't bother writing it down as I was sure I'd remember. Wrong! Been bugging me ever since. Guess the only way forward is to start writing and see where it leads.
While on holiday I've done a little backsliding re spider solitaire. Have played my last game for awhile (gosh, I hate admiting in public, and even though no one reads this but me it is still possibly public, that I'm such a slouch. Here I had a week off and I could have written another 5 to 7000 words - but nope, I just faffed around and tryed to look languorous - course the monitor died but that's no excuse as I wasn't without it for more than a couple of days). Anyway, my goal today is yoga and writing and now that I've bared my soul in here I may as well get to it.
Have started the PBAS mini lessons finally. Didn't want to start until after the holidays, then my monitor died, but we're up and rolling. Even the first lesson I found hard. The use of language is such a habit -to define behaviours with vague descriptions instead of what is actually happening. Made me really think about what I've observed with Dimitri and then to put those observations into a language that wasn't one of constructs (see I've learned a new word already!). Then the final question, with some observed behaviours and what our construct might be - had two different answers with opposite meanings. Thought it could either be happy or aggressive. Am sure I will be set straight.
Very hot today, sweat pouring down my face as I write. Haven't done any yoga for 2 days and feel it. Was ill day before yesterday (menopausal cluster headaches-damn things) and still a bit seedy yesterday. No excuse today however. Must get into good habits. When I'm working I'm up at 5 and into a yoga session. When I'm not, as I haven't this entire week, I sleep in and when I do get up at 6, the animals are clamouring for breakfast. Then I have breakfast with R and the day is well and truly started. Have to lift my game and get some kind of program going. Have been good and answered unanswered emails (still working on a snail mail to my aunt) and tidied up some loose ends. Haven't touched The Book.
Quite annoyed with myself too for in that halfway state between waking and sleeping I thought of some device that would move the book forward. I was excited enough with the idea that I didn't bother writing it down as I was sure I'd remember. Wrong! Been bugging me ever since. Guess the only way forward is to start writing and see where it leads.
While on holiday I've done a little backsliding re spider solitaire. Have played my last game for awhile (gosh, I hate admiting in public, and even though no one reads this but me it is still possibly public, that I'm such a slouch. Here I had a week off and I could have written another 5 to 7000 words - but nope, I just faffed around and tryed to look languorous - course the monitor died but that's no excuse as I wasn't without it for more than a couple of days). Anyway, my goal today is yoga and writing and now that I've bared my soul in here I may as well get to it.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
dimitri dreaming
More than a month has elapsed since the last post. Feel it too. Miss the chance to write, like being stopped up and needing to unplug. Anyway, while I remember I want to record a dream. I was in an unfamiliar house and went upstairs. In a bare room with windows were 3 or 4 cages with birds. Some were galahs but there was also a sulphur crested cockatoo. The cages were clean and filled with fresh water and seed but I was still horrified as I either didn't know these birds lived here (who was looking after them?) or did know and hadn't bothered to check on them. The galahs were flightless, likes the ones I have; broken wings or the like but it was the S. C. cockatoo that broke my heart. He was feathered but the feathers were thin and wispy, like an old man going bald. I got him out of the cage and he was so desperate for touch that he melted into my arms, snuggling and pressing as close as he could. So I cuddled and stroked him and the love and relief he felt was almost tangible. There was something about getting him into a larger cage rather than a cocky cage, or setting him free but the details are fuzzy.
As usual I have no idea how to interpret this dream. Perhaps it relates to Dimitri. It always comes back to Dimitri. A couple of weeks ago, while in that half state between sleeping and walking I had an epiphany. We had not made any progress whatsoever. I could feed him by hand but it was the same story, sometimes he would take the treat, other times he would back away as though I was coming at him with a hatchet. That morning, however, I recognized I'd positioned his tree stand all wrong. I'm so assiduous in telling clients that birds need to have a safe place, a place where they feel protected, where they can hide if they want and I hadn't followed that most elementary of advice for Dimitri. His tree stand was positioned out in the open, the open being he had the verandah wrap around screens in front and french doors into our bedroom in the back. He was always exposed, poor thing and I was too dumb to notice.
The very next day I moved his tree stand against the wall beyond the living room french doors so he always has something at his back. I can't do anything about the wrap around screens but as he is under cover with a wall at his back I trust he feels safer. He acts as though he does. I put a perch in the place where the tree stand used to be so that he can reach his vegetable skewer and have a change of perspective if he wishes - and sometimes he does. In front of the double doors (screened) leading outside, I've placed a large bark covered and very chewable branch. He uses that too. To guard against falls I've surrounded the tree perch with pillows and saddle pads. He rarely jumps now but sometimes he misjudges (and using one wing to try and right himself just throws him more off balance) and falls.
So this has helped. I've also modified my own behaviour. I no longer try and feed him by hand except when he head bobs and shows extreme interest. Instead I just toss millet seed onto the wood table adjoining his tree perch (where his pellets and water are kept) every time I go onto the verandah. Yesterday he voluntarily came over and took some from my fingertips which was lovely. But I didn't push it. If he shows any hesitation I lower my arm or back off.
I've also been c/t'ing him to target a plastic ball with a bell inside it. It is obvious to me now that the clicker made him nervous. Not because of the noise but because of the intensity with which I attempted to *train*. The intensity of a predator. So it is taking much longer for him to target the ball because of that. I'm not worried however as I finally feel I am on the right track with him. The more I know him the more obvious it becomes that he is an extremely sensitive bird and my tramping through his life with hob-nailed boots, despite good intentions, has had a deleterious effect. This morning was the first time he intentionally touched the ball for a treat. I was chuffed.
It all ties into yoga. With the intensity of my wanting to be friends I actually made it more difficult for us to be so. Now, with the mindset that we will go at his speed rather than me trying to force it it is starting to happen. Which of course means removing my ego from the equation. I could fool myself (and did) with saying that I wanted to be friends for his own good. For instance, he hasn't had a bath since he's been here. That's months. No way could I mist him yet every time it rains he gets excited and I know he wants to be out in it hanging upside down like any good cockatoo. For him to enjoy the rain I'd have to get him in the cage, which he hates, and take that outside - very stressful, or allow him outside under his own steam. But in order to get him back in again I'd have to towel him or chase him back up the steps. Disaster. So for his own happiness he had to be friends with me. Not a very successful precept.
Strange too that I am more relaxed around him as I don't have an agenda anymore. Well, that's not entirely true or I wouldn't try and shape him to touch the ball but as the ball is on the floor he can walk away if he feels it's too stressful - and he does. More and more, however, he chooses to hang around and get treats for walking in the right direction and jackpots for actually touching it even if it's only accidentally. I'm very happy for both of us.
As usual I have no idea how to interpret this dream. Perhaps it relates to Dimitri. It always comes back to Dimitri. A couple of weeks ago, while in that half state between sleeping and walking I had an epiphany. We had not made any progress whatsoever. I could feed him by hand but it was the same story, sometimes he would take the treat, other times he would back away as though I was coming at him with a hatchet. That morning, however, I recognized I'd positioned his tree stand all wrong. I'm so assiduous in telling clients that birds need to have a safe place, a place where they feel protected, where they can hide if they want and I hadn't followed that most elementary of advice for Dimitri. His tree stand was positioned out in the open, the open being he had the verandah wrap around screens in front and french doors into our bedroom in the back. He was always exposed, poor thing and I was too dumb to notice.
The very next day I moved his tree stand against the wall beyond the living room french doors so he always has something at his back. I can't do anything about the wrap around screens but as he is under cover with a wall at his back I trust he feels safer. He acts as though he does. I put a perch in the place where the tree stand used to be so that he can reach his vegetable skewer and have a change of perspective if he wishes - and sometimes he does. In front of the double doors (screened) leading outside, I've placed a large bark covered and very chewable branch. He uses that too. To guard against falls I've surrounded the tree perch with pillows and saddle pads. He rarely jumps now but sometimes he misjudges (and using one wing to try and right himself just throws him more off balance) and falls.
So this has helped. I've also modified my own behaviour. I no longer try and feed him by hand except when he head bobs and shows extreme interest. Instead I just toss millet seed onto the wood table adjoining his tree perch (where his pellets and water are kept) every time I go onto the verandah. Yesterday he voluntarily came over and took some from my fingertips which was lovely. But I didn't push it. If he shows any hesitation I lower my arm or back off.
I've also been c/t'ing him to target a plastic ball with a bell inside it. It is obvious to me now that the clicker made him nervous. Not because of the noise but because of the intensity with which I attempted to *train*. The intensity of a predator. So it is taking much longer for him to target the ball because of that. I'm not worried however as I finally feel I am on the right track with him. The more I know him the more obvious it becomes that he is an extremely sensitive bird and my tramping through his life with hob-nailed boots, despite good intentions, has had a deleterious effect. This morning was the first time he intentionally touched the ball for a treat. I was chuffed.
It all ties into yoga. With the intensity of my wanting to be friends I actually made it more difficult for us to be so. Now, with the mindset that we will go at his speed rather than me trying to force it it is starting to happen. Which of course means removing my ego from the equation. I could fool myself (and did) with saying that I wanted to be friends for his own good. For instance, he hasn't had a bath since he's been here. That's months. No way could I mist him yet every time it rains he gets excited and I know he wants to be out in it hanging upside down like any good cockatoo. For him to enjoy the rain I'd have to get him in the cage, which he hates, and take that outside - very stressful, or allow him outside under his own steam. But in order to get him back in again I'd have to towel him or chase him back up the steps. Disaster. So for his own happiness he had to be friends with me. Not a very successful precept.
Strange too that I am more relaxed around him as I don't have an agenda anymore. Well, that's not entirely true or I wouldn't try and shape him to touch the ball but as the ball is on the floor he can walk away if he feels it's too stressful - and he does. More and more, however, he chooses to hang around and get treats for walking in the right direction and jackpots for actually touching it even if it's only accidentally. I'm very happy for both of us.
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