Tuesday, August 28, 2018

post 40 of 92

Am finally getting into the habit of spending time in the studio working on a drawing rather than just drawing with a board in my lap in front of the TV, although I do that too. The hard part is getting it to be a habit for Richard too who wanders in with various comments or requests.  Am quietly sticking to my guns (or charcoal sticks) and answering without getting involved in finding this or sorting that or having a look at...whatever it is which might take me away from the easel and back into his sphere.

Don't want to be unkind but really must insist (to myself if no one else) that what I'm doing is important enough to be worthy of my time.  Don't think he is trying to distract me deliberately.  If asked, he would be the first to say he wants me to draw.  It's just that in a practical semse, especially at this point in his life when he has few or no projects which interest him, it is easier for him to get through the day if I am with him.

Sad, huh?

Also resolved that while I can I am going to go out and do things without him.  There will be a time when leaving him alone will no longer be possible.  Last week I spent the afternoon with a friend (lunch and a walk on the beach).  On Saturday I went to a cat show with another friend.  On Sunday arvo attended my first book club meeting which was a novel and interesting experience. 

It is hard because Richard no longer drives and has made few friends since moving here.  He is the best of friends; kind and loyal but his friendship is weightier than it used to be, hence he has no one with whom he is on par.  Do people with dementia find it easier to be with other dementia sufferers?  Do they understand one another better? 

So I am being a bit hard.  Did invite him to the cat show but he didn't want to come.  The book club he wouldn't have attended in any case nor the girlfriend lunch.

It's a tightrope.  Do feel saner and more connected however.  And I have finished a drawing which I like enough to take to the framers so that I can put it in the Images of Uki show.  And came up with a neat name which will cover a multitude of sins.  Dreamshot #2.

Wednesday, August 1, 2018

Post 39 of 92

Don't know what I'll do when (if ever) I reach post 92.  Start again, I suppose.

Well, have done my bit of procrastinating but as I've been on my feet most of the day concentrating quite hard during life drawing class, I don't feel too bad for zoning out for 30 minutes or so. 

Funny thing with portraiture.  It's hard.  Not funny, I know, but I don't remember it being this hard to get a close likeness to someone.  We had a male model whose finished portrait was a dead ringer for Vladimir Putin.  Another male model who has resembled Jack Nicholson in one sitting and Paul Newman in today's sitting.  Managed to fit in two portraits; the second one looked like a mug shot for a zonked out vampire.  Don't know how I'm getting it so wrong. 

The other week I drew the same (female) model 4 times in 3 hours.  By the fourth portrait I was pretty close - no cigar but at least a cigarillo. 

While Paul Newman was emerging from beneath my charcoal I got the giggles.  David was facing me and he has this look of a slightly impish faun anyway and, knowing how far off the mark I get, he knew I'd missed again.  I could see it in his eyes.  He has to hold perfectly still so I'm trying to hold in my laughter so as not to affect him which only made it worse.  Shirley thought I was crying and came to see what the matter was.  That was the cool shower I needed to pull myself together. 

Even so, despite my repeated failures I am just so glad to draw.  What a privilege it is to make marks on paper.  No wonder early man was driven to draw on cave walls.  It's a magical act.