Getting Close!

She says she wants it.  She says she will pay the price asked for.  She rang the realtor.  The realtor rang me.  Said he would email her a contract today,

Driving into town this morning, I thought my heart would burst with joy.  I didn't realize how important moving close to the sea was until it became possible.  Seeing things with the mind's eye can make things real.  Most days when I do yoga I listen to #13 of the ABC Hush Collection.  There are several pieces, one right after the other, which evoke the sea.  Specifically me in a kayak on the sea.  Me in a kayak riding big smooth wave sets.  Me in a kayak riding big smooth wave sets while watching humped back whales glide underneath. 

Every day I listen to those songs and every day I see and feel me on the water.  The harp and piano equate with sun sparkled water.  The rise and fall of the violins, the rise and fall of the waves.  I just close my eyes and I'm there.

Now I am calling the Universe to provide the perfect property, one with a view, with birdsong from the bush with paddocks suitable for the horses, with a characterful house, and something which provides for Richard all that he requires (big shed and a location where the bush doesn't enclose the house.  He has a thing about trees being too close to the house).  

The house we missed out on at Burringbar provides the benchmark. The house pad was clear of trees yet the bush rose in a wall behind the house from which the birds sang symphonies.  The house was high enough to provide a stunning view of serried hills to the west (and coming storms!).  The house itself was perfect.  Two wings, each with bedrooms and baths and private decks, with the living areas and kitchen in the center.  It was as perfect as I could imagine. 

We've seen, desired and watched other perfect properties sell in the time we've been looking so I know they are out there.  Am not convinced the properties in contention number among them THE property.  But I could be wrong.  It all is in the viewing.

Which hopefully I'll be going to do next week.  Once we've signed the contract, I'm contacting realtors and Helen (for a bed to stay in).

Is the House Sold or Is it Not

Waiting to see if we've sold the house.  A woman viewed it, loved it.  I liked her, felt the house would fit her and vice versa.  Wanted to see her in it rather than that hard-edged woman we'd had before who was fine about her dogs 'sorting out the bandicoots' - but that's another story.  Anyway, this woman; whippet owner, Egyptian Mau cat owner, said up front she couldn't afford the $399,000.  Told the realtor she'd make an offer of $360,000, which after toting up the numbers, we accepted, just to see the house 'go to a good home' so to speak.

Blow me down, she reneged.  Said all she could give us was $350,000.  We said no even though (despite her saying previously she had to check with her bank) that the $350,000 was a 'cash' buy.  Then today, she offered $355,000.  Said no.  Finally came up with $357,500.  Said no.  Why can't people say what they mean and mean what they say?  We dropped $39,000 to meet her.  In response, she drops another $10,000!  Told D last time he rang to tell her 'good luck with her house hunting.'  He rang back immediately after we'd hung up to ask would I still accept $360,000 or was I just pissed off and done with her?  Yes, I would  accept but must say I've got a bad taste in my mouth.  The gloss has rubbed off and now I wish I'd stuck to my guns about price.  If her eyes were bigger than her stomach, that's not my problem.  The price is clearly marked on all the ads.  It's not a secret.

Anyway, waiting for that final call.  Think she'll have her panties in a twist now and won't come up with the extra cash. 

Acceptance with Enthusiasm, Thank You Grace Speare

Re-reading Grace Speare's Everything Talks to Me after mentioning it to a friend.  For some reason it seemed time to visit this book again.  I hadn't realized that I've been in the doldrums.  Coasting.  To help combat this I've returned, somewhat sporadically, to journaling.  I needed a place to 'talk' without having to care whether it read well or not.  Also, there's something quite blissfully basic about grasping a pen and making marks on a page.  I'd forgotten how satisfying it is.

Back to Grace Speare's book.  Ah, she's a good one for helping me to re-focus.  One of the phrases that leaped out was  'accepting with enthusiasm'.  There is often this dichotomy with me; one of accepting all that is knowing everything is as it should be or trying, with positive thinking or visualization or just plain wishing, to make things happen.  In the first instance it is plain gratitude without desire.  Great in theory but I can't sustain it.  I want change.  I want improvement.  I want something else.
And there's the crux:  wanting.

In the second instance.  I think positively of the present (gratitude) while visualizing a different future (moving house for instance).  I can juggle this a bit better.  Every day I can and do appreciate the beauty of this place yet I visualize moving to a place near the sea.  Another example is being grateful for the health and strength of my body now while going to the gym to increase strength and change my physique for the future.

I know I've written about this before and I'm no closer to having an answer, only varying degrees of leaning one way or another depending upon what is needed at the moment.  

Like "Acceptance with enthusiasm".   It's kind of an excited twinkle in the eye that looks with bubbling joy at the present. 

I feel as though I've got my mojo back.  Another thing that helps is not taking on board other people's 'stuff'.  The world will continue to do what the world will do without me getting caught up in the cruelty, stupidity and blindness of it all.  I know we are all connected, that the Dallas shootings, for instance, somehow affect me directly but if I succumb to the negativity, does that help?  Surely there is a way to feel for all those involved yet at the same time try see it with love and compassion, even the shooter whose mind must have been a horrible maelstrom of hate and negativity.

Admittedly I am not strong enough to cope with wave after negative wave.  I've unsubscribed from many animal welfare sites and I avoid looking at graphic images or reading graphic accounts of horror.  I know The Horror exists.  That's enough.  I know we need more love and I think we need more beauty.  And I'm sure we need more laughter.  Lots more laughter. 

While being connected and part of All That Is, my tiny little mind can't grasp the enormity of it.  What I can do is keep my own house in order.  That's hard enough.  Learning to live in changed circumstances and stay cheerful, optimistic, patient and kind is a big challenge for this selfish, impatient and too often spiteful person.  It's a big challenge to my particular weaknesses and one I suspect I'll be working on until my last breath. 

Yet it's not all guilt and failings and railing against present reality.  I decided to retire from riding a couple of weeks ago.  Had the farrier pull Balthazar's shoes.  After a spell Balthazar needs to be ridden consistently, day after day, to help him get over separation anxiety.  I just couldn't manage it.  Consequently every ride was a challenge and definitely not fun for either of us.  Balthazar turns 18 next month.  I've been riding more or less consistently for 40+ years.  For the past 5 I've ridden alone.  I've no desire to compete so have no goals except to enjoy the bush by riding through it.  As that seemed out of reach, I retired both of us.

As soon as I made that decision, I felt better.  Had no idea I carried this burden of guilt because I wasn't being fair to Balthazar by getting him through the Separation Anxiety phase.  Suddenly too, there is more time.  And I'm not so tired either.

If I'd been listening, to myself as well as Balthazar, I'd have come to this decision sooner.  Every day is different.  Everything talking to me may as well be speaking Urdu if I'm not listening.