The Annihilation of Buddhism

Have been reading up on Buddhism, the person, the history, the various forms and the art.  I've been interested in Buddhism for many years but have always had a problem with its tenets.  It makes sense in some ways but there is one fundamental flaw.  The extent to which non-attachment is taken.  No desire; for things, people, emotions (including the desire to feel joy), ideas, even to have a spirit or soul.  Complete annihilation of everything.  Nihilism equals nirvana. 

There was a program on telly the other night which explored the life and death of the universe.  In trillions upon trillions of years the stars will all dissolve, there will be no light only photons diffused through a space empty of all mass, even I suppose of time, for nothing will change.  And, the presenter, said, from that point nothing will change.  There would be no time for there would be no changes to mark time.  I thought it must be something like dissolving ink in a glass of water.  When the drop first hits the water it would evolve into strings and spirals and shapes.  With time the ink would be equally dispersed into the water and from that point, like the dead stars, it would not, could not, resume its former shapes and of course never coalesce into that first drop.  There would only be dead, faintly tinted water.  

So there's part of the problem for me.  I don't want to be dissolved into a dead universe with no time, no change, no light.  And it seems wrong to want it so.  This earth, a bright blue ball, the only living thing that we know of, is a jewel.  It's like going to a party where the hostesss has gone to great lengths to decorate the room, has spent hours in the kitchen cooking my favourite foods, has found special unique gifts that are sure to delight me yet when I arrive I go sit in a corner, do not acknowledge the effort that has gone into the party, and worse,  act and believe it was all a cruel illusion on the hostess' part to keep me from my true destiny which is the death of everything, including me.  I don't mean just physical death but death of my soul as well.

I often experience that 'oceanic feeling' that Jung wrote about.  It's not hard.  I only have to look at Nature with an awareness of its beauty, its majesty, its miraculousness to get that lift in my heart.  Trees do it for me as does the sky or the stars at night.  Being alive is a blessing.  And death?  Death will be a release for one does get tired.  I  get foreshadowings of that but it's not a bad thing.  It's all part of the deal.  Light and dark.  Beauty and wretchedness.  It's the Package Deal of Life.  I'm willing to play.  Perhaps there will come a time, when I've had my one millionth reincarnation, that the warbling of a white throated gerygone no longer means anything but background noise.  If that happens then I will welcome annhilation.  When beauty eludes me I will already be dead.