March 8. The following is copied from my handwritten journal.  Haven't blogged for awhile.  Used to write all the time when keeping a journal.  Now it is an effort  and I always write with the feeling of someone looking over my shoulder.  Sure, anyone with any kind of ego wants their work seen, and I'm no exception, yet that 'writing for an audience' is a sure way to still my voice.  Why?  Because, despite best efforts and intentions, I can't quite be true.  I don't write about extremely personal things, like my marriage, for despite all great writers being unafraid of brutal honesty, there is another person involved. 

Perhaps my reticence is a holdover from blogging.  I never used to be shy about things but age and experience have brought caution and a degree of empathy.

Saw a short on the ABC yesterday which decided me to try journalling again (it's not like I've a ton of 'followers' who will be disappointed by my silence.  I've one following the Balthazar blog who, as far as I can tell, has absolutely no interest in horses).  At any rate, the short was on Bob Ellis, writer, speechwriter, essayist.  He writes with a fountain pen in a notebook half this size on a pillow which is propped upon an old school desk from his old school.  What great work, he asked, has been written on a word processor?  I suppose there must be some but perhaps he has a point.  Perhaps there is a connection between the writing hand, the eye and the brain which allows for 'great work' to be created.  The advantage of the computer is I can type very fast so that, on a run, I can almost get a stream of consciousness cascade.  But is that a good thing?  Just because I can immortalize my thoughts doesn't mean they are worth the trouble.  Writing by hand, OTOH (see?  there are some advantageous holdovers from the use of digital media) gives thought a breathing space where an interesting notion can be followed up or followed on with further investigation.

And it's slower.  I'm beginning to think that's a good thing.

When I attended the Julie Grieg workshop I found I had trouble concentrating n one thing for 3 hours in the morning and another 2 1/2 in the afternoon (we quit half an hur early).  Even writing this I just had a quick computer break to look at some drawings by a pastel artist.  I'm not over-caffeinated nor am I afflicted with Alzheimers yet have noticed a discernible drop in my ability to stick with one thing for any length of time.  Too much information.  We, I, am able to get information on any and all subjects through the net.  And while I'm looking up exactly who played that supporting actor role in some 1954 B movie western I can check my mail, check out a French phrase, look at the radar, see what new work has come up on Pinterest and play Mah Jong!  No wonder I have the attention span of a water flea.  There is always some bright shiny fact kernal just a mouse click away.

The internet is grand.  My computer is a joy to have an use but I think there is something to be said for the slow and deliberate use of pen and paper.  My journal was my best friend and companion when I had none and now..(personal stuff) ..the re-introduction of Friend Journal into my daily life is timely and good.

On a more prosaic note, just to record it, we've started Matisse on Prozac.  Yes, I drug my kitty.  I've written quite a bit about his neurotic, needy and unhappy self on the blog.  The crunch came with cleaning up to 4 sprays a day.  I love him but something had to be done.  Nothing helped.  Endless love and reassurance, while gladly accepted with purrs and nose rubs, made no difference.

Yesterday was his second day.  As expected he was mightily displeased to have the drop of transdermal gel rubbed inside his ear.  He acts as though we've morphed into cat abusers but I noticed (we shut him in the laundry to eat otherwise he'll eat everyone else's food as well as his own) it didn't take long for him to finish dinner. He's sleeping now.  There were 3 piddles in the boxes and no new sprays (that I could find).  He didn't join me on the yoga mat this morning to pace between it and the rest of the house.  I hope it works.  No side effects save for a calmer cat.