Went back to the dentist because of pain. What a pain! Knew being scared before the visit was in fact enduring it twice but the mind has a mind of its own (so back to meditating with a vengeance to try and tame it!). Then, Oh Joy Oh Happiness, the dentist, after reading the write-up of previous visit, thought it might be better to try non-invasive techniques first. Swelling has gone, as if in answer to reprieve and I can live with the nerve pinging with hot or cold (have had that in other teeth for a long time but this one is somewhat acute).
Part of me stood back and was amazed at the transformation experienced physically, emotionally and mentally with that news. Like someone flicked a switch. Where before I was small and sad and frightened, I was large and light and bright with joy.
When I am frightened the world becomes very small because it is all centered on me and my fear. A pinprick of fear, a pinprick of awareness. What an illustration. What a testament to trying to live big, like an ever expanding balloon of gaiety.
Many years ago I fainted in a theatre during the movie, The Other Side of Midnight, some trashy soap opera whose memorable scene, the attempted (successful? I don't know I was unconscious) abortion in a bathtub with a wire hanger. When I came to I had the profound sensation of being squeezed back into my body. The I that had temporarily vacated the physical was limitless and bore as much relation to my person as a seed is to a sequoia.
Despite returning to this episode repeatedly I forget the significance of it. We are more than our bodies, more than our minds, more than our sensations, more than our pedestrian awareness. I don't know how much more. Not even sure I am equipped to grasp it, nevertheless it should never be forgotten.
Sometimes it takes a trip to the dentist to be reminded.
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