Thursday afternoon. Dimitri doesn't want to play. Too nervous about dogs, with sleigh bells ringing on their collars, and birds shouting hawk alarms. Have dishes to do but decided I'd listen to a new cheap ($2) CD I bought at Crazy's while I write just to write. The CD I use for yoga, all north American bird song (just love those red-winged blackbirds!) with voice and harp I found at Crazy's. It was such a joyful surprise that I keep hoping to repeat it. This one is Peace of Mind by Current.

Had a dream night before last in which my backyard had grown lush with unmown grass, dark green, moist and thick. I watched in delight as rabbits started to appear in the deepening dusk. They made a beeline for the grass and came in such numbers they were crammed in shoulder to shoulder, whisker to whisker. From my vantage point their bodies formed a teardrop, the large end towards me. Then an elderly grey whiskered terrier type dogs sauntered through from left to right scattering rabbits. I knew he would not harm them and indeed, they immediately started to filter back to feed on the grass.

Shorts again today. Well and truly into spring. Even for the computer. Took the side off the CPU because it was starting to overheat again. A much happier computer now.

Watched The Living Matrix that P had lent me. Had quite forgotten I had it but wanted something to watch besides Dr. Phil or a made for TV movie and scanned the pile of DVDs. R came in halfway through and was intrigued enough to watch the rest of it with me. He says he'll watch the first half later. I'm glad he's interested. Basically it's mind over matter, how our thoughts influence our health. I so want him to feel well, to be well, to move without pain, to live long and happily. He said yesterday after spending so much time in a nursing home he would never go there. Neither will I. Die at home or in some accident, not in a hospital or 'aged care facility'. Even the name is without heart, without compassion. Old Persons Home has more love in it than Aged Care Facility. So, we will be on a quest to live long and healthy lives until we are quickly and painfully snuffed out at the end. Perhaps a death during sleep when the transition is so gentle one hardly knows one has left.

Oh, the miracle of life! How easily I forget what a miracle it is to be alive. In the billions that have come before me, lived their lives and died - now it is my turn to experience this creation. How little of it three score and ten can really live. It is a dust mote in the jet stream. There's not a moment to lose and I've lost so many. How can I trust myself and Life so that I live without fear to the fullness which this mind and body and heart are capable. How can I lose fear so that I can create beautiful things and leave something of beauty behind?

I glance through the art magazines at the newsagent and although there are paintings of beauty, so much of them are ugly. To look upon them every day would shrivel your heart. I would not want them in my home. Perhaps they have a *message* about the state of the world today but their message does not clarify or help to change it but only spreads the dis-ease. I can make mean-spirited ugly things, I can slash and dash on colours and draw monster faces with leering mouths and crazed eyes and slap them around some semblance of a head but what good does that do?

Like this music. The music of this person tells me more about them than any biography or photo would do. He could not create this music with the light and delicate touch if he was a heavy hearted stolid phlegmatic type. There is beauty and lightness in this person's soul.

This CD is quite good. Thought it would be all synthesizer and frou frou but it is mostly piano and has some heart. Actually alot of heart.