Card deck painted by local artist with pithy sayings.  I draw a card every day.

Sunday:  Prepare to celebrate
Monday:  Find the peace
Tuesday:  Embrace the change

Celebrate?  What an awful person I am if I celebrate Richard's going into hospital. But I am celebrating.  Sad, yes.  But an enormous weight is gone.  I am free.

Peace?  Find the peace to accept that my emotions don't follow the proscribed and socially accepted format.  To accept my feelings of relief, even of gratitude doesn't make me evil or uncaring. It makes me human.  It accepts I am tired in spirit and need time to recover.  To accept my weakness, to acknowledge I'm not 'good' enough, is human and that I did try and if I forgive myself I will find peace.

Change?  Yes, all of it.