Natalia hasn't eaten, despite meds to make her feel better.  So basically she hasn't had a meal since last Sunday.  And it shows.  Her coat is rough and staring, she's concave rather than convex.  She doesn't sleep.  She's uncomfortable.  Best guess is kidney stones.  Could get surgery - put her through that and then have to do it again when the next stone comes through.  Or we could put her on a drip with morphine for days and 'hope' the stone passes.

Or I can put her down.  I'm hoping she isn't in too much pain now as I thought perhaps just another day or two would be 'nice'.  It's guesswork.  All of it.  Save that she can't go indefinitely without eating which is why Monday it ends.  Will request, as she's so timid, that she be given a shot of ketamine, sub cut which hurts little if at all, and after she's sedated, then they can put a catheter in and use lethabarb - which I know stings going in.  Want to make this as painless as possible.  

Will bury her in the front yard.  There's a rather sickly kaffir lime tree which has never thrived.  Will pull it out, make a nice deep hole, and one day down the track plant a bird attracting native or  fruit tree to remember her by.

Richard said today, "I'm not much help to you." And I cried.  Because I know about Natalia and he doesn't, and won't, because I've had about 3 hours sleep and because my poor darling husband, my rock, has these fleeting insights into what he was and what he is now.  

I am so tired of crying.