Raining.  My drawn card today said, Rest Your Lovely Wings.  And rain is a good excuse to stay inside and doodle - save for the trip out to feed the horses and post a letter to Richard  The lockdown is still in place at Heritage.  And from the numbers of Covid 19 increasing in the eastern states, imagine it will stay that way for awhile.  One good bit of news, last Friday, the last time I saw Richard, I found he has been accepted as a permanent resident.  All that useless palaver of becoming an Enduring Guardian was for naught.  The Heritage rep was taken to task, politely 'with respect Ms. J' for asking me to bring my 'case' before the Tribunal in the first place.  Top management must have realized it was bad PR to pursue it. 

Freedom has ben much on my mind.  The word pops up frequently, out of the blue, with a briskness which sweeps away muddleheadedness, at least momentarily.  There is a part of me which clings to the guilt and another, pragmatic part, which affirms the new reality.  I love Richard.  I will do what I can to make his life easier.  I wlll do everything but bring him home.  Yet the fact remains, despite the love, the relationship of love and companionship and mutual support is over.  Hence Freedom.

Freedom and solitude.  Community.  Being part of a community, talking to people, joining groups is supposed to be good for health, mental and physical.  I am sure that's true.  But right now I love being alone.  Maybe somethng in me has to rest, has to heal before I join 'community'.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm my mother's daughter and am finding my way back home.  Because like my mother I like my own company.  I'm not lonely.  I'm not bored.  I don't look for distraction.  I don't rush down to the markets on Saturday to immerse myself in 'community'.

And maybe, during this covid-19 crisis,being a loner is a good thing. 

And maybe too it's not wrong to feel so happy sometimes.  I haven't cried since Monday.  But I have sung or hummed every day.