I know the sparrows and flowers of the field don't worry about their next meal and I'm trying, really trying, not to be freaked out but have just read the contract I'm to sign for Richard's care.  $95 a day,  $736 a week, nearly $3000 a month.  Our income is just over $4000 per month.  So a thousand a month to live on from which I immediately deduct $520 for agistment.  Ok, so still $500 a month to live on roughly...but of course it is impossible.  Food for cats (special food for urinary dramas), dogs, horses, bottled gas, fuel, private medical for Richard - he's had it for 30+ years - and now is the time he might actually need it....so I'm a bit gobsmacked.  Yes, we do have savings and that will pay for 4 years or so but by the time this is over there won't be much left and I'll still have to find money to pay the rates, insurance, car rego blah blah blah.  

Am spoiled rotten - even at my poorest - and there were times I was pretty poor - I never worried about being able to feed myself or any animals I had.  Borrowed money once to pay a vet bill but paid that back straight away.  Another vet, different cat, let me pay off my bill.  And wouldn't you know, Natalia, the youngest and healthiest, is off her food so will have to take her to the vets tomorrow.  That will be $500 easy.  

Am allowing myself this tiny panic - to hopefully get it out of my system.  The Universe has always had my back so will again.  There's always been enough.  Plenty in fact.  There are billions of people who would give their right arm to be in the position I'm in; own home, a car, food in the pantry, money in the bank.  

Nevertheless will go to Centrelink tomorrow with documents, my hastily written budget and see if they can ease the burden a bit.  Also, I put in for Jobseeker and never heard a thing back so can chase that up too.  If I get Jobseeker I can volunteer somewhere for a couple of days a week and be paid for it - which would help enormously.  

Tomorrow is the first day I'll get to see Richard so that's good.  He's had to tough it out during this lockdown and seeing a familiar face will cheer him up.  I hope.  Plus the vets and have to buy hay as well so a busy day.  

Still swollen and bruised from Mikaela crashing into my knee - did I write about that? - hit me at full speed within 5 seconds of being let off the lead at the beach - my first visit in over six months.  But it improves every day - have to be mindful to place my foot carefully with every step, no yoga (damn!) but can do the afternoon walk so it's all good.

Might be worth repeating those few words.  IT IS ALL GOOD!