Richard fell again yesterday.  On the concrete.  Heard him moaning.  He was going to roll out the wheelie bin and tripped.  He walks like a catwalk model on quaaludes, pigeon-toed, one foot crossing over in front of the other.  And of course he shuffles.  It's a wonder he doesn't fall over more than he does.

As for the BP, even with the doubling the dosage (1 full pill twice daily as opposed to half a pill) it has hardly made a dent.

The scary thing is, well, one of many scary things; if he falls and breaks his hip it is likely he will not come home again.  Even if he only injures himself slightly with a good chance of recovering I cannot visit him.  If he is moved from the hospital to a respite facility because of the covid  19, no visitors are allowed, not even spouses. 

I tried to impress upon him how important it is to be mindful of every step.  Told him to pretend he had an echidna attached to his balls or that he was  a sumo wrestler, anything to get him to spread his legs a bit when he walks.

This morning went early to the store to avoid crowds, then out to the horses and home again.  He hadn't moved in all that time.  He was ice cold.  The windows were closed and although the day was warm it was still icy inside.  Got him to go outside and thaw.  He didn't move again until lunchtime.  Now he's gone to have a nap.  If he doesn't get active soon, the choice will be made for us.  Showed him the booklet brimming with gentle exercises he can do to remain active and 'supple'.  He said he'd start tomorrow.  Why tomorrow, I asked.  Need time to get my head around it.  What difference in your head between today and tomorrow?  None. 

I left then.  I've done the nagging bit.  When he was compos mentis, when I saw the writing on the wall, I nagged to get him to exercise, to eat better.  I nagged diplomatically, quietly, encouragingly.  It only drove a wedge between us.  So today, rather than repeat history, I left him and came in here to read emails.  He was a self-starter, a motivated person in everything but looking after himself.  Nothing has changed.   Not even my familiar frustration that he won't do what I want him to do. 

So if he isn't totally 'with it' anymore, he is still, in character, the same.  At some point I just have to leave him to it.  I'm scared shitless he will fall and then he will go and that's that.  Brings tears to my eyes even thinking of it.  

Saw our neighbour yesterday.  Told him of Richard's fall, how I almost couldn't get him up again.  He said, next time ring me.  He builds movie sets on the Gold Coast but with the virus his work has finished.  He's a big strong German and he's close. 

Trying to get a walker without wheels.  The hospice store is shut.  Might have to go to Tweed to buy one but have put the call out on the local FB page.