At sixes and sevens yesterday.  Emotions all over the shop.  Found the second toilet seat I'd bought to replace stained one also didn't fit and wanted to cry.  Couldn't settle to anything.  Finally went outside and weeded just to do something.  So many huge projects to be done - all the aviaries need a good rake, need to have the styrofoam insulation replaced - like trying to create a Braque painting in 3D! - and have the moldy old back sheets (used to keep the afternoon sun from heating up the metal backs of the aviaries) torn down and replaced.  The rock garden is more weed than garden.  The windows need washing.  The deck furnitue needs to be cleaned and varnished.  The deck itself needs a varnish, haven't done it in 2 years.  But I went out and weeded weeny weeds instead.

Finally gave it up, cleaned up and drove in to see Richard.  Found he hadn't been out of bed for 2 days so nicely suggested it might be nice to get him in a wheelchair and outside.  Took 3 people, he's still a big man in height, length of legs, etc, but  finally got his bum on the wheelchair.  I checked the brakes and off we went.

Cuddled him a lot.  Wheeled him to the deck of the outdoor cafe, high in the treetops with long views across the valley.  Whoever had the foresight to build the hospital on top of the hill did a good thing. 

We aren't meant to be in windowless rooms for days on end.  Richard needed the sky above, the fast moving clouds, the fresh cool air.  We chased the fleeting sun in the parking lot - turned his face into the sun for at least 2 minutes.  Not ideal but a start.  Then he had to go to the loo and our wilderness sojourn was over.

Told him he's going to Heritage Lodge on Tuesday.  Told him I couldn't care for him, reminded him how many people it took to get him into the wheelchair when he disagreed.  That seemed to, at least temporarily, convince him.  Standing behind him, smelling his hair, my arms around him, kissing the top of his head - how I would love to have him home, how I would love to be capable of doing it all.  My poor darling.  And me.