Getting used to life without television.  Make dinner, read, then draw before going to bed.  Realized how for years I've been reading books with the drone and distraction of the tv in the background.  Have read two books this week.  Unheard of for decades - but I used to read at least a book a week, sometimes more.  Because there is nothing fighting for my attention am getting more from the books.  Lovely,

For weeks I've been waging war within; trying to believe all will be well and banish the fear of not having enough money to live on.  Had a call from Heritage management about Richard's respite care.  The government decrees 9 weeks  of respite a year.  Heritage says no, they only allow two so I didn't want to sign the contract.  Not having those extra 7 weeks costs over $1300 plus I'm immediately thrust into paying $560 a week rather than the approximately $350 respite costs.  My rough calculations says before everyday living expenses I would have $38 a week to live from. 

Quaking in my boots.  Because I am not entitled to a pension for almost 2 years it would take almost all our savings to keep Richard in care.  So if there is an extra vet bill, a car repair, anything out of the ordinary - and there is always something out of the ordinary - after 2 years I would have nothing left to pay it with.

But went in to see the manager yesterday with my handwritten list of bullet points in a vain effort to convince her why I needed those extra 7 weeks.  To no avail.  She was obdurate, kindly so but firm.  But she was also sympathetic and advised how she would work with me.  Advised me once Richard becomes permanent the single pension which pays for both of us would help me convince Centrelink of the need for a living wage.  Am waiting for approval for Jobseeker which I applied for last week.  Need to find two days a week voluntary work which will help defray the weekly cost of Heritage.  Linda also advised I seek help from a financial planner at Centrelink.  I don't have trouble budgeting.  I can, save for food - fresh fruit and vegetables - live cheaply. 

The upshot I left her office feeling much better than when I walked in.

The universe does have my back.

Also illustrated how what I fear most can actually be a hidden gift.  The loss of fear.

I slept well.  Didn't wake up at 2am to worry.

One of the books I read was the Dalai Lama's Cat.  Lovely little book using a cat's perspective to convey some of the Buddhist precepts for living.  Caused me to dig out several books on Buddhism gathering dust in the bookcase - one of which is by the Dalai Lama.    Hmmm.

Richard met me near reception yesterday.  He waves at some residents now.  He is less in his room and more involved with the residents.  He even took part in a singalong, well attended anyway.  He looks terrible.  The psoriasis is back with a vengeance but he'd rather have the sweets than smooth skin.  So be it and he's not looking at himself so what does it matter.  Cam visited on Tuesday and David on Wednesday so it'd been a few days since I'd seen him.  Never heard a word from Cam on how it went.  Know how soft Cam is beneath the capable male exterior so suspect the visit was gut wrenching.  But at least he came to see him.  Wonder when he'll be back.  And if Anthony will ever come.